Continuous Partial Attention (if you're lucky)

I just read an article at the Wall Street Journal that made me feel pretty depressed. It's called "Blackberry Orphans" and describes a generation of parents who can't/won't/don't give their full attention to their children and partners, so addicted are they to their handheld devices. Gina at Lifehacker rightly points out that the article is somewhat sensational, and that the problem isn't so much the technology itself as it is how we engage with it. I certainly agree. It's a complicated issue, though.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't as guilty as the people profiled in the article. I don't own a Blackberry, but I'm pretty darn attached to my cell phone and it's SMS messages (primarily from one particular someone). I think it's best that I don't get email to my phone, as I have shown myself to have pretty limited capacity when it comes to drawing boundaries around the thing.

What this issue really speaks to, in my opinion, is our difficulty in actually being present. I think our hyper-wired culture exacerbates this problem, but I don't think it causes it. I know that I'm prone to "checking out" of real-life moments, in favour of getting lost in the ether, but I also know that my challenge is to learn appropriate boundaries, and appropriate respect for the time and attention of the people who I'm with. To hone my ability actually just *be* wherever I am, instead of compulsively needing input from other sources at the same time.

The most offensive line of the whole WSJ article? Tough call, but in my mind, it was Jim Balsillie, the chairman of Research In Motion (the company that makes the Blackberry). He says children should ask themselves, "Would you rather have your parents 20% not there or 100% not there?" What a ludicrous choice. Personally, I would suggest that those kids would be best off with parents who are 100% there when they are there. If you *have* to deal with some work, then leave your 100% present partner (if you're lucky enough to have one) with your children and go deal with it, or explain to them that you need to take care of something, but you'll be back as soon as you can. Mean it. Don't kid yourself into thinking that your kids aren't going to be deeply affected by the feeling that they never get your undivided attention.

I read an article recently about "definitive cell phone no-nos", and it was a bit of a kick in the ass for me. Nothing I didn't already know, but since then I have been much more intentional about leaving my phone out of sight and earshot during dinners out, or while spending time with friends.

Where things get blurry is at home. I live with three friends, and so "home time" (where I should in theory be able to do whatever I want to do, and be a slave to my cell phone and computer if I choose to, as a childless 20-something) often blurs into "social time," and also "work time", since I often work from home. We have a "no phone (cell or otherwise) at dinner" rule, and I try to be conscious about turning my attention over to a person when they are talking to me, particularly when they are telling me a personal story about their day. I've learned the hard way that people don't appreciate feeling like they have half of your attention. I'm certainly far from flawless in this department, and I know that all three of my housemates have been annoyed with me on occasion. Sorry guys. :(

But... what happens if I'm in the middle of an IM conversation when they start talking to me? Aren't they then interrupting an existing exchange? I suppose people who are standing right there in front of you should get more attention than those far away... but even then there are even exceptions. Like I would probably decide that a friend in total crisis on IM deserved my attention more than an idle kitchen chat with a housemate. Really, it all gets very complicated, and I think these are issues that anyone who is interested in having authentic and meaningful relationships in their life needs to consider.

All this is a good reminder to myself that I'm lucky to be working on becoming more conscious about these addictions now, before I have children. And all this is  exactly the stuff that I am most fascinated with when it comes to technology. I suspect that if I waited a day on this post, I'd edit it further, but I think I'll post it fresh and raw. Here goes.